Monster

As a preface to this particular poem, I had some things I need to say cause I feel like this is the only way I can say them. Lately, I’ve been feeling like I have to prove to people that I’m not a bad person and that I’m not an immoral human being that just sees people as a means to an end. The only reason I feel this way can be boiled down into a name that I can’t bring myself to utter. She’s a girl and she means the world to me. Anyway, I messed up with her in a major way but ever since then, I’ve just wanted us to get back to where we used to be. I don’t know if it’s possible but I can’t help but wonder. I guess I’ll never know unless I try. This poem is addressed to her. I know she’ll never read it but I had to write it anyway.

My sister is what you were to me.

A bond unbreakable.

But even then, I was wrong.

Cause the rift in us is unmistakable.

I don’t deserve your hatred.

I don’t want your rage.

I just want you to love me again.

Cause your hate for me is like a cage.

I know that I betrayed your trust.

And that that’s a privilege for someone like you.

But I promise you that it was unintentional

That much is and always has been the truth.

So imagine me on my knees

Begging for your acquittal.

I need you in my life.

And I’ll work for that trust. Little by little.

Just look at me

As you saw me

A year ago

See it clearly?

I’ve made some changes,

That’s true.

But I’m still the same old me.

I just want you to see.

To see that I’m not evil

That I’m not thoughtless

That I love you so much

That I’m not heartless

In short, I just want your love again.

I can’t bear your hatred any longer.

I really hope someday

You realize I’m not a monster.