Freethinking

I apologize in advance for the length of this piece. As you can see, I have a lot on my mind. So forgive me one more time and let me bring you into this headspace of mine. Thank you. All the love is love.

Julius Blake

Ever had a thought that branched into another?

Then found one under

A bunch of doubts and regrets

and brought it to the surface, uncovered

Thoughts that are on collision courses

Memories of familiar voices

Such a dangerous form of thinking

And the defining factor of me

I’m known for my brain

It’s the thought behind my name

And it’s why people use me

Although I find it confusing

I personally think I’m an idiot

Cause if I was a genius

Then half of my dilemmas wouldn’t exist

And I probably wouldn’t be writing this

But moving on to the next thought,

It’s actually not too far off.

Witness one of the byproducts of my idiocy,

The strained relationship between my grandmother and me

You say you rejoice when I’m gone

Am I really that bad?

Is that what my presence does to you?

Is that the truth?

Nah the truth is you’re a hypocrite.

The lowest form of human life

And the one that truly

Doesn’t deserve shit

You suck the joy out of everything

And keep it for yourself

And when you ask for my help, I feel enslaved.

Like I’m still in my cage

But I digress. Let’s get back to this truth.

Cause honestly, I love you more than life.

More than my own life, in spite of all the strife.

I still expect that ring you wear to be shared with my wife.

Cause I can’t imagine a life without you in it.

I can't imagine my life without your influence.

You made me a better man

And I know you still can.

But uh, onto the next thought.

Trust issues. Wow. Can anyone relate?

Most of us can, that’s true.

But this isn’t what I’m used to.

I’m not used to screenshots and

Kik conversations about my iMessages.

But these are the permeating factors of dating

All these games we playing.

So if I had to order my Mrs. Right

I want her with just the right height

Of emotional stability and trust

Never worried about the next bitch, just us.

Cause I swear I’ll give her that.

She won’t have to worry about getting attacked

When she texts me,

Cause I’ll trust her completely

And I’ll make love to her. We don’t have to just fuck.

Dudes fuck around and get it today by just luck.

But I’ll work for it, I’ll earn it like a prize to win

Then I’ll politely ask her to let me in

Sex and poetry.

Let me fall in you, As you rhyme to me.

Making love and art at the same time

effortlessly.

And moving on to the next thought,

Like a trek across miles of asphalt.

My walk into adulthood.

Something I thought to be good.

But it could be the exact opposite,

Yin and Yang, black and white and shit.

Duality discriminates none.

Words spoken by the man who calls me son.

Digressing once again,

So back to the thought at hand.

I’ve wanted to grow up for so long

Not understanding just how wrong

I rushed into doing things that I shouldn’t have

Sex at age fourteen, drugs at 15 and a half.

Both had their lasting effects,

Shit I’ll never ever forget.

Blacking out from the oxy

And waking up to see my dead grandfather

Or moving into a girl just too fast

And becoming a would-be father

Yeah it’s just too much,

Too touchy of a subject to touch.

This type of thinking is just enough.

Enough to make a person give up.

Freestyling my freethoughts.

My form of therapy, it’ll get better in time.

I have to ask though, to make sure I’m still human.

Does anyone have thoughts like mine?