I
know I haven’t died
But
I can’t help wondering what’ll happen when I do
Wondering
what people will say about me and if it’s true
I
wonder if it will say I was full of myself
Cause
I never ever liked asking for help.
I
wonder will it say I was arrogant.
Cause
when people said bad shit about me, I never wanted to hear it.
Like
they’ll say
“Oh
Jay, you know you just talk a little too much”
No I
don’t nigga, I censor this shit for y’all.
So
to me, I don’t talk enough.
And
that makes me arrogant,
That
I internalize so much that I think I got more to say.
That’s
bullshit, if I’d ever heard it.
Damn,
I just want to be Jay.
So I
guess what I really want to know
Is
what I can do to make my mark here
To
make my imprint clear
And
make this shit I stand for something to fear
All
I represent is some young kid trying to make it
Not
some bored nigga who does this as a hobby
But
a young man who wants this struggle to come undone
Making
his dreams and his pain something to learn from
I
want the world to see Julius Blake in a new light
To
see Jalen Marsh as one who’ll fight
To
see them both as the same tortured soul
I
just want to stay hopeful
Cause
I can’t give up
And
I don’t want to be known as the one who did.
So I
just keep writing and keep pushing these feelings in the air
In
the hopes that someone will look up to me and see them there
So
remember me by these words
And
never forget what I stood for.
Remember
Affectus Aperi,
And remember what it meant to me.
Remember
me just as I was
Who
I still am to this day
Born
different, died the same
That’s
what I want my headstone to say.
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