Honesty Hour II

Round Two


Wonder how many times I’ll experience this hour.

How many times I’ll be subject to these emotions.

Well, life is crazy, isn’t it?

Guess that’s why I need to bitch for another sixty minutes.

My brain races a bit more than I care to admit

I’d love to get sleep at night

I’d love to not fight these fights

And I’d truly give anything to feel alright

Some sense of security

I’d trade that for all this scrutiny

That’d be easier than the shit I do deal with

Parents at home treating me like I cry mutiny

Currently at mom’s crib on some kind of vacation

But it’s different now. Instead of fitting in, I’m steady contemplatin’

I’m just always on my Mac, reading poetry and falling in love with music

La Familia thinks I’m weird or some shit but this is I, they’re just not used to it

Grandma’s in town, sweetest woman I know.

And the other one is being so cold.

I don’t know if it’s cause I’m older now

Or some other shit. Just wish she’d get over it.

Cause college is amazing and it’s stress but I love it.

But I can’t pay for it by myself so fuck it.

Maybe I’ll make my life on Technicolor

Shout out to my aunt Lisa. Got nothing but love for her.

But sorry that just isn’t me.

It’s not even close to what I want to be.

Whatever that is. All I do is write.

Cool hobby and all but no career in sight.

And people tell me shit like

“Aw it’s okay. You’ll be fine.”

Appreciate it all, I do,

But your eyes aren’t the same as mine

Your brain isn’t the same

Your thoughts aren’t nearly as strange

And your life isn’t similar to this.

How could you feel it?

But I won’t get mad at you for trying.

In fact, I love you for it and as someone I love

I feel the need to keep you from being a hypocrite.

Don’t lie for comfort. You don’t feel this.

And that’s honestly okay.

My burdens are mine and no one else’s.

But I can’t shake the innate desire that I could share them.

I need some help with this.

But I know the way forward now.

It’s abundantly clear.

Nothing I want will be given to me.

That serenity I want? I’ll have to work to get there.

I’ll sacrifice a lot and make some hard decisions

But that’s all a given.

Comes with the territory.

Part of the life we’re livin’

Whatever man, I’m just rambling again.

I could talk my shit for hours, you don’t understand.

Thank you again for listening to me.
This concludes my second sixty minutes of honesty.