1AM In Rochester

Way too much going on in my head.

Barely enough room for sanity.

Thoughts smashing against each other

Leaving little room for my brain to breathe.

Things like how I’m getting to Ohio?

How am I getting to Toronto?

Why the hell am I still smoking?

I don’t know but I still lit the blunt though.

As I exhale,

I smell

Not just the herb

But something else

First time, I ever smelled a regret.

But best believe, I’ll never forget.

Felt good to burn it up and let it all go

But I rest uneasy cause of the shit I know

I know it’ll be back tomorrow

The same regret I burned yesterday

Cause there’s never a shortage of shit to worry about

When your name is Jay.

Fix one issue

Just to see another pop up

And pass one class

Just fuck another one up

College could’ve been a mistake

Cause my nigga Phil makes more than me

And I didn’t even see that nigga at graduation

This ain’t the life my counselor painted for me

But this is where I’m supposed to be

According to popular opinion.

College is and always has been for me

And I’ll never leave under Grandma’s dominion.

Then there’s the weird factor.

Have you ever met a nigga like me?

One that has mental capacity and good intentions

But still can’t live happily?

People question my antisocial-ism.

Like I’m just the friendliest dude around

I don’t need to feel any more isolated than I already do

So forgive me if I don’t want to talk right now

I hit the blunt again

& blow the smoke at the window

Look down in the glove compartment

Lo and behold, there’s a bible.

Raised in a church

yet prayer can’t save me.

Hoping for answers

yet God keeps playing me.

The silence between us is deafening.

I ask and I ask but it’s not helping.

Sometimes I have to ask if he does exist

And then I remember this.

This, these, all of it.

Poetry is the only thing that keeps me sane.

Not even weed helps anymore.

It’s just not the same.

Cause in my mind

Everyone’s happy except me

I nearly never smile and never want to

But every time I leave my room, that’s all I see.

These feelings and thoughts I have.

They’re becoming too much and I need some help

I look out the window and put the blunt out

I see a smiling couple and ask why I can’t be like everyone else.