Honesty Hour

Hand over my mouth

Cause I got too much to say

And if you heard a fraction of it

You'd probably run away

It’s honesty hour.

Forgive me while I bitch.

Hope what I share with you,

Doesn’t make me any different.

Where could I begin?

Best friend? Love life? Social life?

Possibilities are endless.

Dealing with this.

So how about life at home?

How about the fact that I gave up

On what knew was right?

Why? To satisfy pops. Alright.

Yeah I didn’t have to be here.

I had plans and aspirations.

And I let them all go for my dad

With no hesitation.

Guess it was my way of repay

Cause Mooke Dogg doesn’t exist anymore.

He gave up on that 19 years ago.

For fatherhood. The one thing I think he abhors.

Now I sit at home all day, in a deep sleep.

And blindly dream of change before I wake

Even though I know what I have to do,

I just can’t cause of the risk I’ll take.

The one I call best friend

Has much too much baggage for me to carry

But I know she can’t hold it herself

I know she needs someone else

But damn it, every time I try

To be the best guy

For her, I get hurt. Then I leave.

With guilt crawling up my sleeve.

And I’m darker right?

I’m not supposed to give a fuck.

I’m not supposed to care.

I’m not obligated to be there.

And yet I find myself wondering if she’s alright.

Wondering if she still needs me.

I wonder what she’s thinking.

Wonder if she still loves me.

Enough of that.

All my old girls got someone new.

Someone new to call baby and boo.

Throwing it in my face to say “I no longer want you”

I don’t know how to deal with that.

Cause there’s shit unresolved.

Things that I never said to them all.

Mysteries unsolved.

So when I see them happy,

It makes me cringe and I discover the hypocrite on the inside

Cause when I’m happy, I want everyone to be happy for me

But to see them happy, when they fucked ME over? I’d rather die, sadly.

It’s not being bitter. Don’t label this shit.

Cause truth be told, you’re incapable of feeling it.

I believe with every fiber in my body that they don’t deserve it.

But maybe that’s why they’re happy and I don’t have shit.

Whatever,

moving right along.

Faith is starting to falter.

It’s not as strong,

As it used to be, cause I’m a new me.

I have new struggles and new tears.

New challenges and new fears.

Is God there? Can he still hear?

Or has he feigned deaf once more?

And washed his hands like Pontius

As he looks down on the ones he once adored

And continues to ignore.

The silence is deafening.

So I’ve settled for being high all the time.

At least then I can make sense of all this shit

And then I can put it into a rhyme

So roll up the joint, Reesy.

And then pass it to me.

Thank you for your time, folks.

This concludes my hour of honesty.