Dirty

This time, I wasn't unprepared.

This time I could see the razors hidden in your smile. 

This time I could sense the venom entangled in your sweet words

and I tasted arsenic as our tongues battled to prove who missed who more- who lusted more.

Each kiss a stab at the solid resolve I had constructed for my soul since our last meeting. It crumbled easily. I had always come apart easily by your hands. 

Your hands.

Rougher than I had remembered, they sobered me from such intense intoxication. Your fingers offered my veins the ketamine to dull the rampant emotions coursing through capillaries endlessly for six months. These touches weren't tender as they once were, they were carnal, and this tryst was only a sickly shadow of those innocent in our time before. This tryst was an attempt to breathe life into feelings gone stone by winter, to reignite the tinders glowing low.

I couldn't bear the acid burns you brought to my skin, I made no noise for you. I couldn't stand that crooked, proud smile, I didn't brave a look at you.  

I cried for me, and lied for you, for how unclean I was made by you.