Venting

I do this quite often.

But I had to do it one more time.

Everyone has their own issues and story.

This is mine.

See cause I’m dealing with a lot of shit.

And the depth of it no one really knows.

A lot of it, I kept between me and God.

But it’s become too much, I gotta let it go.

I lie everyday to protect myself

And it’s becoming a disease.

So this time I just wanna tell the truth.

Even if the weight of it brings me to my knees.

The truth is I’m still stuck,

On a girl who dumped me a year ago.

I was truly in love with her.

I wonder if that’s a fact she still knows.

The truth is I hate my life.

I hate living in this body.

I hate the way I look sometimes.

I’d take just about any other body if it were not mine.

The truth is I’m immature.

Even though I have mature instances.

I’ve never accepted responsibility for my shit.

I’ve always tried to scurry out of it.

The truth is I’m not heartless.

Although I wish I could be.

I wear my heart on my sleeve,

Now what woman would want a guy like me?

Bruh I’m so fucked up.

I don’t even know where it ends.

I’m the poison that I preach about.

I hurt everyone. Family and friends.

Negligence from my mother

Arrogance from my father

You’d think I could learn from their mistakes,

But I never even bothered.

The woman who raised me.

Sometimes I treat her like shit.

It’s like I turn into Satan himself.

I don’t want it to happen but I can’t help it.

I swear I never asked for these problems.

Some of them are just born in me.

I don’t know what God’s intentions were

When he allowed me to be.

Because I’m honestly a failure.

That’s a truth I’ve never been able to accept.

I’m holding so much in, it’s driven me crazy

And I’ve never sought the proper help.

And sometimes I feel like it’s too late.

Sometimes I think it’s all over and done with.

But I forget I’m only 18.

And my life has only just started.

I just want to be better

And live life as happy as others.

I just want to do right.

For my brother, sisters, parents and grandmother.

I could be being too hard on myself.

I could just be whining.

But if that was the case, then at this moment

I probably wouldn’t be crying.

Maybe I just need a push from someone.

But I’ve hurt so many people, who’d be down?

I have family and friends but believe me when I say,

I never felt more alone than I do right now.