Freethinking II

This is almost my way of rambling. It’s also a form of gambling cause I’m never sure if I should spill everything I’m thinking and everything that I’m feeling even though it’s a killing, a murder, a sacrifice to hold back things cause I know what they’d mean. They’d mean you’d see me differently and paint me a different color. I’d no longer be your brother or her friend or his confidant, damn I don’t know where to stop or begin. I wouldn’t ask you to relate cause I already know that it’s much more than one person could take and while I wish God would toss me a break, make no mistake … I’m me for a reason, through each and every season, even as I was bleedin’, I’ve never stopped thinking.

And this is what I think about.

Damn I’m glad I have faith.
Cause without it, I’d probably be dead by now.
Probably would’ve drowned
Under the weight of it all

It’s like an everlasting fall
Into a flaming hot pit of reality
And I’m just constantly dodging all the debris.
That’s what life is for me.

Speaking of falling, it’s been a while since I have.
Not that I’m rushing but one has to wonder or think
That maybe I fucked up so bad last time
That God decided an epic love shouldn’t be mine

It’s honestly all I really want
But I can’t pursue it, not now anyway
Not when it’s actually out of the way
Not when I still don’t have the right things to say

The angel who raised me is convinced I’m Satan.
She knows I keep weed in my brain and,
She thinks that I’m turning into my father’s son
Ignoring the fact that I’m still her grandson

I’m still the same kid she took in before he could even talk
And the one she kissed a billion times when he took his first walk
And the one she was proud of when he walked across that stage and,
The one she screamed for at his high school graduation.

But that’s a story for another day.
Maybe another piece, another rhyme.
In some other time, some distant reality
I may be finally be living happily

But it’s too far off for me to see that
That’s too much of a fantasy
Less like a reality
More like a bedtime story read to me

Shame when happiness is so damn foreign
That you compare it to something unrealistic
And when hatred is so well known
That you’re just used and adjusted to feeling it

I was painted a different picture than the one I live now.
I was told that with a pure soul I’d never have to frown.
And of course I was let down.
Yet I still find reasons to smile.

There’s a girl in this world
Who I did so wrong out of stupidity
And yet I didn’t wind up with the one I let her go for
I came back to her and she still loves me.

And I may not have many friends.
But I thank God for the ones I do have.
I thank God for the people I can trust
And I thank God for the people I can love.

I don’t hate anyone, even my enemies.
The ones who hate me, irrationally
The ones who find me unbearable for one reason or another
I don’t know why, it’s one of those secrets I’ll never uncover

Yet I spend so much time wondering why they do.
Wondering why you still hate me when I’ve never stopped apologizing to you.
Cause truth be told, I get annoyed with niggas too
But if I ever called you my nigga, know that I’ve always got you

The less I bitch, the more I earn.

The less I talk, the more I learn.

If silence is the key to a happy life,

Then maybe I'll make silence my wife.

But I’m just rambling again. Saying a little bit more each day. Perhaps it’s the only way.

I don’t know.

Freestyling my freethoughts cause I never stop freethinking. Man ... I never stop thinking.

Over thinking causes the brain to burn an extra 50 calories each day. It also improves problem solving skills.
— Facts (@TheFactsBook) June 23, 2013