mnemonic

sometimes i remember. 
i was cursed with a good memory
and i always surrender 
to these things that are engraved in my mind

the way you got lost in me
and in my eyes at the same time
the way we made love
is what stays in my mind

but with these memories
comes a bitter sweet taste
never will i feel that again
you aren't my fate

i'll never feel the pull of your fingers
through my hair again.
the grip your eyes had on mine;
your eyes, like beautiful gems. 

the sensual soul you were
how you could caress me
by only speaking words
i never understood
what gave you so much capability

but now everything's numb
or empty
i can't figure out which
i can still feel, but i can't.
i don't know what it is

i smile when i think of you
to my heart you're overwhelming
but then i stop myself
there's no point in dwelling

- on one time
one amazing time 
that'll never continue
just played over in my mind

so why am i smiling?
we'll never be us again
and even if we did try
pain changed us
it can't ever be like it was  then

i'd rather not experience the ups,
if they come with downs falling so steep.
i'd rather not think anything,
than having to take pills to sleep.