Higher Education

When you get older, if you do it right

You learn a lot about life.

A lot about yourself and those around you

About those who love you and those who doubt you

Sometimes they’re the same people.

But you can’t allow yourself to take too much in

To give yourself over to that sin

Knowledge is power but I’m not power-hungry

I just want to be closer to the man above me

I thought that by being a better person, that could happen.

By teaching myself how to stray away from hatred,

How to love those who I’ve hated and

How to offer forgiveness to everyone, even those who won’t take it

But I fell short of my goals.

I mean I did as I was told.

But I was telling myself, I wasn’t learning.

So while I sat alone, I continued yearning.

To be better.

Then I learned to accept what I had been rejecting.

To become more accepting of those who didn’t reject me.

That’s when I felt like lost those who had kept me.

They couldn’t deal. They no longer felt me..

I learned that I don’t have to be numb in order to escape pain.

That I can embrace pain and come out the same.

I’ve always been sensitive but I’m not a fool.

I know now that this pain is something I’m used to.

Admittedly, for a while, I didn’t feel like myself.

Change is a scary thing, sometimes.

For the first time in four years, I considered suicide.

But thank god, for the ones he sent me for this ride.

It’s all just a learning experience, I’m better.

I know I can be better than ever.

I just have to remember I’m not alone, never.

That I’ll always have the one thing I treasure.

Your love.

This is my higher education.