Falling

Allow me to preface this with one absolute truth. I never will and never have stopped loving you.

Close your eyes, open your mind.

Imagine living in a world where you feel foreign all the time.
Your family, your lover, your friends. They don’t understand.
So you drift into this space occupied by those society threw away,
Until one day …

Someone opens the door.

She speaks to you with kindness and sincerity.
She makes it easier for you to talk because she gets it.
She isn’t like the others, her mind is different.
She’s a kindred spirit.

A lovely flower that blossomed adjacent to you.

You don’t even have to try so hard for photosynthesis
Your mind feeds her hunger and satiates her until she’s full.
So much alike
In both your unique differences

You let her in, you allow her to enter your heart.
You know this is how it starts but you do it anyway.
You just know she’s here to stay.
You fall in love with her.

You cling to her, hoping she’ll never get tired of you.
You make sure she knows that you love her more than life itself.
You tell her everything and nothing at the same damn time.
She can know that you love her but not that you stop breathing when she doesn’t reply.

And she stopped replying weeks ago.

You gave her a name.
Something to remind her that you two are the same
Can’t bring yourself to utter it now because it’ll rip you apart
Yet you know it’s still in your heart.

And that’s why it hurts.

That’s why the pain became so blinding and so searing that you contemplated suicide for the first time in five years. Just to escape from it.

You’re losing breaths still, trying to get her out of you head.

The pain tells you it won’t stop, not until you’re dead.

Yeah, that’s what this feels like.