Blurry

Rub your eyes, clear your soul
You don’t know what this heart holds

The vapor is thick, it’s opaque at times
It manifests in a rhyme
Then it dies. It subsides.
But only for a moment, only for you.

You see my eyes behind the smoke

You look for my soul at the center of the silhouette

You assume I don’t possess one

Just because you fail to see it.

You can’t see me, I’m too hazy
Too easily concealed behind the fog that is my pain
The love that is my shame
The curse that is my name

You see a figment of your imagination when you look at me
You only see what you want to see
Or what I want you to see
But it’s never me.

I keep myself hidden quite well
Behind these shared tales
These walls of fog and distortion
This crepuscular contortion

The dense smoke originating from my lungs is so efficient
It makes me so different.
So veiled you have to squint your eyes to see
Even then, it’s still impossible to see me

Then for once, I stop exhaling
I stop breathing out the ostensibly thick vapors that act as walls
Between who I am and who you want me to be and what you actually see
I stop breathing …

Then you look at me
You see who I am for the very first time, suffering sudden realizations
Then the smoke is gone & I am dying of asphyxiation
Letting you look at me

After all this time, I am not at all what you expected to see.

So,

I fill the air with more and more vapor

Just to escape

Just to float above your consciousness

Just to evade your glance

I don’t want you to see me anymore
We need not occupy the same space
So let me leave your vision for now,
I’ll be back but until then I’m hope you remember

My blurry face