Miss Understood

Preface: I envy you.





What good your words do
If they can't understand you?
Words from the wise and great Badu
Words that for me hold so much truth

I'm not a bad person.
So why do bad things happen to me?
What is it that I fail to see?
Some unknown aspect that evades me.

Cause all I ever wanted to do was get better
I wanted to be a better writer, a better student
A better lover, a better son, a better brother
But in my quest to be better, I found many errors

People were walking away from me
As if I wasn't trying to fix myself
They could've offered the help
But they were too caught in themselves

Quite ironically so was I
But the distinction between us was clear
For even in my resolve to correct Jalen
I never stopped being there

For others, I mean

But no one understood
Just what I aimed to accomplish
They called me selfish.
As if I could help it.

If you spend your life being selfless,
What is being selfish?
Is it caring about yourself for a fraction of second?
Well then yeah I'm selfish.

But I don't care.

I can't keep crucifying myself
Just to give others help.
I'm not that strong, honestly
And no one should have to be

Another issue I have as of late
is the amount of hatred I can take.
That's what I view your sarcasm as.
Hatred. Yes it's that bad.

Don't get me wrong.
I know that I shouldn't be this sensitive.
You're a fool if you think I want to be
But I can't change ME

Trust me, I know and I understand.
While cruel and unnerving, it's out of 'love'.
I get that you weren't trying to hurt me,
That you were trying to help me

Understand, however,
The great thing about constructive criticism
Just because you have something to correct about someone
Doesn't mean you have to hurt them

If that one went over your head ... Sorry. I'm really trying. I find myself saying that a lot these days.

Overall, I really only want to say this.
I know I've got a lot of problems
I'm trying to fix them.
I'm trying to correct it.

But you understands that.
You don't see the efforts behind these forced smiles.
You only notice when I frown.
Then assume I'm never up and always down.

It's not true, I'm not that guy.
I'm not depressed anymore, I'm almost happy.
I found the right girl after all this time
& I'll wife her if she lets me.

I'm moving to a better place.
A better state of mind.
Or at least I'm trying.
Recognize that.

Instead of ridiculing it.

You judge and ridicule that which you don't understand.
Yet I wish you could.
Then I wouldn't write things like this
I wouldn't be hopelessly misjudged by you, Miss Understood.