This is my 100th piece and I consider it a certain milestone of mine because I never thought I could write so much. I appreciate everyone who reads and I love you all. I hope you continue with me as I tell more stories and open more feelings. Affectus Aperi.
How the hell am I supposed to keep calm?
When my world can be embodied,
Inside her body, her smile and her walk
When every time I talk,
It’s about her.
I wish I could’ve stopped her.
Or rather stopped myself.
After all, I’m the one who was falling too fast
Now I’m the one who needs help.
Fast forward, that was a few months ago.
Back when I thought love was a friend I used to know.
But it’s a foreigner I may have to give up looking for,
Maybe just a cousin who’ll randomly show up at my door,
When I deserve it.
Back to keeping calm, I don’t know.
Is it even possible?
Does my mind always have to race?
Is this pace even stoppable?
Not to mention the guilt that continues to haunt me.
Like a knife continually rammed into my body.
I’m reminded that I’m not shit and never will be
Cause of what I’ve done to those around me
Even though, some will rush and say that’s not true.
Be careful, don’t get too close, I still haven’t hurt you.
Yet. It’ll happen. It’s all I do.
The reason why the ones I love are identical to the ones I lose.
The reason why I still think of her.
Not a lover but one I do love.
Younger than me and yet she’s a teacher of mine.
Someone who I used to consider divine.
See she may hate me but I’ll never bring myself to hate her.
I can’t hate you and love you at the same time.
So, even though you hate me, I can promise you this.
You’ll always be a sister of mine.
Headspace ... I need it badly.
Wonder if my brain will rent some out to me.
I can barely breathe under the weight of it all
Wondering if I'm even moving anymore or just in a perpetual fall.
That's what it feels like anyway.
I see so many things at once
Like tomorrow’s stress or today’s lust.
I don’t even know just who I can trust
Cause it seems like everyone is against us
My mind and I.
Looking deeper into my mind’s eye.
Hoping the solution will allow itself to be found.
Hide and seek is over now.
Yet serenity doesn’t seem to think so.
She holds the veil of despair over her face.
She’s the thing that makes my mind race and my heart drop
The sweet release of my life and the reason I can’t stop
I’ve felt her before, back when I was too young to remember
Then, every now and then on that one day in December
Now Christmas and Serenity are contained in blunts and bong hits.
Fucked up right? You should try living this shit.
That’s enough for now, folks.
Transparency and even just too much clarity can kill.
Which is why I’ll remain a mystery and an open book to you
Hoping you’ll be here to listen to me, still.
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