i love everyone
all i do is love
and no one loves me
this isn't self pity
this is me realizing
that i want to end
and i always have
because i know that they're not capable of caring for me
of being there for me
these wounds are always reopened
the blade always re-enters
after i fall for the lies that i tell myself
that maybe if i look hard enough i'll find someone who can, who does
love me
i won't
not the people who brought me life
not my brother who i lost long ago
not any love of mine
they could never become lovers
and maybe not god
since he's the one who can watch me suffer
this heart of mine
this mind
can only take so much
and i'm sick of being saved from the knives that could end this and uncover
the only thing
that is dark enough
and consuming enough
to be my lover
death
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